Shan Rae

new blog

2009-05-13T12:38:00.000-07:00

For further blogs please visit:

www.shannonraeart.ning.com

water balloon

2009-05-03T15:07:00.000-07:00

Lately its like there is a water balloon over my head that everyone wants to pop.

Why is that?

next big step

2009-04-22T20:08:00.001-07:00

It's coming on two years that I have been graduated from Highschool.
Since then I have:

Gone to Argentina, Mexico, Canada, and Guatemala
Moved to and live in L.A. successfully without getting mugged, threatened (at least my life), or kidnapped.
Worked two jobs and gone to school successfully at the same time.
Learned how to think outside of the box
Learned a tiny bit of what I am capable of doing....

And you know how sometimes you get to a point and you are just ready for that next big leap?
I am applying to start at Azusa Pacific University in the Spring of 2010. Big step.
I don't know where the money is going to come from (probably loans and hopefully creative ideas from God) and I don't know exactly what I am going to do...but I do know I am excited and nervous. Somewhere mushed in the middle of the two. It will be a whole new world to experience, learn and grow in.

I am hoping that I can look back at my time spent in college and my early twenties and say that I not only accomplished graduating and do something positive but that I REALLY attempted (and hopefully succeeded) in doing everything I possibly could to make a difference in my realm of influence, my school, my work place, my city and even the world for God. Because that's what I want above everything else. I want to live up to the potential He has created for me.

Please pray about APU.

Santa Barbara

2009-04-21T17:35:00.001-07:00

I spent this last weekend in Santa Barbara being spoiled and hanging out with/meeting some of the greatest people. I was going to try and blog all of it--but well, lets be honest--I am really far too lazy for that- so instead I am going to leave you with some pictures and a video (most of this photo credit goes to annemarie who is actually a great blogger. so if you REALLY want to read about it, go to her blog :) http://blog.allthingsannemarie.com/). We ate and sang and BBQd and laughed and hugged and tanned and hiked...it was great! : )

I cant wait to go back and visit again

Here are some highlights.....

All of us decided at 1 in the morning that we were going to write a song--

these are the song writers and here is the song!

This is the hike to Inspiration point

Pursuing the things we love

2009-04-10T23:20:00.000-07:00

For most of my life if you had asked me what I wanted to "be when I grew up", I would have told you I was going to be a singer. I know those of you who haven't known me since I was little probably think, "really?"...its true : )

One of the things I wanted to do while I was in Cali was learn guitar and start writing my music. So I have started....And maybe I'll never make a cd or anything..but I think it is so important that we pursue the things we love.

just thinkin

2009-04-03T21:13:00.000-07:00

What are you doing with your life right now?

I love my job and what I am a part of. The people I get to work with and the bigger picture of what I am a part of. I have been blessed beyond measure and God has dealt with me and given me so many undeserved chances to do what is right by Him that it makes my head spin and it makes me wonder...

If I am doing this at the age of 19 and 20...what am I going to be doing in 10 years when I graduated from college, (hopefully) married and have a family or a start of a family.

I am a part of something great right now. I learn new things everyday. I have blessed to go to school while working under amazing people and with amazing people. Everyday I can stand on the side lines and know that I am doing what God has asked me to and that it IS effecting people.

But is it enough?

There is something in me that wants to do MORE.

Not because what I am doing is insignificant, because it is important.

Not because I think I have some special calling to go and "Be the change".

Not because I am more capable to do it.

But because all of us talk about it and how many people are acting?

I love the Dream Center because they do jump in head first. Even though it is stressful sometimes, at the end of the day, you can't say that people aren't fighting to make an impact.

I have to wonder what my calling is and what God has in store when in the last 8 months I have done things that I didn't know I was capable of.

Doors are open, ya know?

I am anxious to walk through, get to the next step and see what's ahead.

But for now--I am where I am, and I am okay with that because who gets the opportunity to everyday learn from amazingly wise leaders, professors AND the people in LA?

I am lucky.

Apple

2009-02-13T22:29:00.000-08:00

I was on the Apple store page looking at laptops tonight and thinking about the fact that I am starting college next week and I stumbled upon this little thing on their website and I thought it was great....

"Think back to the reason you got into education: The chance to make a difference. But to make that difference- and this is more true today than ever- you have to be open to change. You have to be ready to adopt new ideas and recognize new opportunities."

Isn't that so good?

I am going to school because I asked God to show me what I had to do to make a bigger difference For me, that is school. I don't know what it is exactly that He wants me to do -- but I do know I am on the right path, and hey-- that's a pretty good feeling.

jealousy?

2009-02-06T10:37:00.000-08:00

I am having this problem lately where I will get really excited about something...totally invest my time in it, be super amped about what it is and then someone gets offered something else and I want do that.

I don't think it's really a jealousy issue. I think it's more of a...always wanting something "bigger and better" and instead of being content with what I am doing I just want that big project that will change everything.

Sounds stupid.

I have been noticing it more lately than ever as I have been watching all these awesome opportunities being given to people. It's not like what I am doing is any LESS... it's just like...

hmmm... I don't even really know....

I totally believe that what God has for me to do is significant and will make a difference, but at the same time I can't help but feel a tinge of, "Why do THEY get to do that? I WANT to do that." And then I wonder, do I actually really want to do that or is it just something that looks interesting. Do I really have a passion for that? Or am I just being 100% selfish?

blah blah blah

Join the Cause

2009-02-03T18:02:00.001-08:00

Every night in Los Angeles, someone goes hungry.

Statistics are a mind blowing thing.

But nothing compares to being able to see those statistics first hand.

I have the opportunity to work at The Dream Center and be a part of the Adopt-A-Block program. I see the need here everyday, overwhelming the streets and hearts of people who are hanging on to their last string of hope.

We have the chance to make a difference in their lives. Not a difference that will take place a year from now or next week, but a difference that will take place RIGHT NOW.

By donating, you provide these families and individuals with food, a place to stay, mentoring, hygiene needs and most importantly, the chance for us to continue to go and tell them that we love them and God loves them even more.

I don't have statistics for you but I do have my first had experience. Los Angeles is in need. The people are in need.

And you can be their hope.

Wouldn't you agree that RIGHT NOW is a good time to make a difference?

Visit this site and JOIN THE CAUSE

www.dreamcenteraab.ning.com

deciding who you want to be

2009-01-28T17:07:00.000-08:00

How did you decide what you wanted to be?

I am realizing, as I am about to register for my college classes tomorrow, that I am not sure what I want to do. I really like what I do right now for Marketing at The Dream Center...but do I like it because of what I am doing...or because I get to work with great people?

When the lights go out and inspiration comes

2009-01-24T00:32:00.000-08:00

Last week Pastor Brad, here at the Dream Center, challenged everyone to let it all out to God this week.

I came home that night, shut off my lights except my orange lamp, and locked my doors. Then I say in my room for 5-6 hours and wrote a song.

I cried out to God and I told Him exactly how I felt.

Afterwards, I videotaped it (so wouldn't forget the tune haha) and I just figured out how to record stuff on Garage band!

Anyways--- Here are the lyrics. You can actually hear the song on www.myspace.com/ShannonGalford

I have been trying for awhile

to tell you

That I have been so foolish for awhile

I am trying, I swear that I'm trying but

My attempts feel so small

I want you, I swear that I want you but

I don't believe my words at all

Cause I'm lost, and I don't feel found all the time

I don't know what to say sometimes when you ask,

"Where have you been?"

I don't know what to say sometimes when you say,

"Come home my child..."

Cause I'm lost and I don't feel found all the time

I am trying, I swear that I'm trying But

my attempts feel so small...

Why do they feel so small?

(music break)

But you say, you already found me

You want me to come home

But you say, you already found me

There's no need to be alone

I was lost, but you found me

You took me from my shame

I was lost, but you found me

You called me by my name

I dont know what to say sometimes

but you, you love me

I dont know what to say sometimes

but you, you called me home

You called me home

Painting

2009-01-16T23:23:00.000-08:00

I sold my first painting for 200 bucks when I was a senior in high school. I felt as if I was selling a little piece of my soul. When I decided to stay in LA, I decided to bring my art with me and try to sell it. I packed my favorite pieces into a huge portfolio, put it in a box with bubble wrap, ducked taped that baby shut and then prayed over it before I put it on the plane. Know where that portfolio is now?

Under my bed.

Know where the art from that portfolio is?

On my walls.

I almost just can't bear to give them up. They each have a history. I remember creating each of them. I remember the way the sun felt or the rain smelt on days when I finished a piece I was proud of. I remember walking quietly through our art department with my paint covered ipod, paint covered hands, carrying my oversized canvas' and my fingertips dancing with anticipation to hang up and stand back and see what had come out of my messy red haired hippie mind.

I haven't done anything with my art since I have been in LA. quite a shame...

I read this quote tonight...

"It's not your painting anymore. It stopped being your painting the moment you finished it"

I just stared at the quote and thought, "Wow. He is right."

Its like...I paint these painting and at the time they are all representing something to me that is fighting to get out somehow. Once it is out, the painting needs to inspire someone else.

I need to get my art out and I need to start painting again.

Why do we sometimes let our passions take the back seat?

Why do we put them in drawers, tuck them away safely and then not return for them?

I want to use my passion not have a drawer full of paint brushes.

so I think I shall.

change

2009-01-14T16:58:00.000-08:00

Had an emotional break down a couple days ago.

You know when you progressively, not IGNORE God, but certainly don't pay Him nearly enough attention?

I slowly started slinking back in the corner, getting busy and putting Him off.

The other day several things happened and it all sort of came crashing down all at once.

Spent three house crying in my office asking God how I got where I was.

Of course, I felt much better afterwards. Put things into perspective and figured out what it was I needed to do to change.

Ever feel that way?

You wake up one day and realize that you don't like the direction you are going?

I guess the cool thing about our lives and our God is that once we realize it we can just...choose to change it.

Although, it doesn't happen over night, at least we get the choice to change, right?

Decision Making

2009-01-07T15:31:00.000-08:00

It is so nice to be back in L.A.

I never thought I would say that.

2009

2009-01-06T02:25:00.000-08:00

DISCLAIMER:: These are not new year resolutions. Simply real life goals I would like to accomplish. Yes, there is a difference.

1- Start College (and do fantastic)
2- Sell my art
3- Sing
4- Write more music/become better at guitar
5- Excel in my job far more than expected
6- Decorate my room with my roomie
7- Call my Grandma more
8- Leave the country at least once
9- Laugh everyday
10- Start something original and relevant that will help make a change in the world

Sand

2009-01-05T05:23:00.000-08:00

While I was in Guatemala, we were building a bathroom and a septic tank for some of the people in the first village we stayed in. In order to build it we needed to make concrete. Unfortunately, in Guatemala, they do not have pre packaged cement mix. A huge huge load of sand was dropped off in front of the church we were building at. But this was not the kind of sand you dig your toes into at the beach...this "sand" looked more like they took some shovels and dug it out from the same ground we were standing on. There were all sorts of rocks in it causing it to be unable to use it. So we began to sift it. There were three different sifters. One for the big huge rocks, one for the medium rocks, and one for the little tiny rocks that were almost impossible to get out. We sifted sand for almost two days trying to get them enough for the concrete. As we were doing it, I couldn't help but think it was a lot like how God deals with us.

In order to refine us and build us into something magnificent, He has to "sift" us and get rid of all the rocks in our lives. First, he starts with the most obvious things. He helps us to give up addictions, trouble and trauma that is right in front of us and easy to spot. After we have dealt with those things He starts dealing with things that are a little deeper. A little harder to get rid of. Once those things are brought out, He reaches into us and starts yanking on those tiny, almost invisble things that are causing us to not reach out full potential. It hurts and it's time consuming but He starts to sift through those things and open up our eyes to them.

I was reminded of all of this the last few days and I thought I'd share.
We fight so much to remain that sand that isn't usable...but if we would just go through the process...we could be something amazing.

Breaking Mom's Heart

2009-01-01T16:12:00.000-08:00

I was sitting in my room listening to music and messing with my new ipod and my mom walked in and started talking to me...

"What's that over there?"

"Thats my shelf thing..if you want to send it to LA you can, but it's sort of an awkward thing to send." I told her.

"Yea.."She replied.."And you can use it when you move back in here."

I looked at her and said, "Mom..I'm not moving back in here."

She looked stunned. Didn't she realize I wasn't moving back in?

She told me she never really realized that I wouldn't be moving back in the house.

I looked at her and explained that there was nothing left for me here. That if I moved back in I would be taking a step back in my life, rather than a step forward. I told her I didn't really want to be a 25 year old graduate living with her parents. I think I crushed her. But I explained it had nothing to do with her or my stepdad and that I didn't mean to offend her, just that this stage in my life had to be over.

It was the first time I had said all of that outloud.

"There is nothing left for me here."

I sort of shocked myself, even.

She started tearing up because I am her youngest and the last to go and I have finally made up my mind to stay in LA for awhile...

Ever had that realization where you just see...and realize that there is nothing left to gain from that position in life?

Whispers

2008-12-31T17:47:00.000-08:00

Do you ever get the feeling that all God wants us to do is ASK Him?

One of my sister's asked me for prayer today. Sorta a big deal since she doesn't really believe in God. Of course, I'm always praying for her, but knowing precisely what to pray for helps. Knowing how much more powerful prayer is when it is more than one person, I pretty much asked everyone I know to pray too.

I was talking to God and telling Him what was going on and for some reason I had this twisting feeling in me that He wanted her to ask. Like, if she would just ask Him for help it would make a huge difference.
Isn't that funny how we do that?

We ask other people to pray for us (which is of course a great thing, don't get me wrong) but do ever think sometimes that maybe God just wants to hear from you?
He wants that little whisper for help to be to Him instead of the air...
He wants that cry for an answer to be a cry to Him instead of something that is only going to make it worse. He wants to be our father that we run to...

I think there have probably been a few times lately where God was saying, "Shannon, just sit and be with me." that I have missed.
This is a big moment in my sister's life and I wonder if she has cried out yet for herself...?

Moving Boxes

2008-12-30T03:16:00.000-08:00

So technically I "moved" out when I moved to L.A. after I graduated. But since I didn't like L.A. right away and had no intention of staying very long, I still had a bedroom here with all of my stuff. Everytime that I would come home to visit I would end up taking things back to the Dream Center with me. Well, it's finally gotten to the point where I realize that I may be in Los Angeles for a bit longer than I thought and so this trip may be my last long trip for a while.

I took my curtains down and packed them in my suitcase. I went thrugh every piece of clothing (socks, shirts, pants, shorts, shoes...etc) and put every single item (most of them) that I was never going to wear into big garbage bags for my older sister. I took all my art down off my walls and put it in my big black truck. I packed abox of certain books, or pictures I want to send to LA but mostly...I realize..that I have taken everything with me. I am leaving some candles, some books, my stereo....but when you walk into that room, that only thing that resembles me is the lavendar walls and the smell of incense in the air.

How strange.

I threw away all of my old journals too. It's like letting go of this huge chunk of your life. Not letting go of who you are...but who you were. In the faith of who you are becoming.
It's sort of a daunting feeling.

I know my mom is going to cry when she sees it.

But, as nervous as I am for my future, I am excited to see what is next and I am excited for the next few years.

Here's to change.
I want to be it.

I'm starting school this year

2008-12-29T01:12:00.000-08:00

I know that doesn't sound like a big deal to everyone else who has already done it and is doing it, but I am a little nervous. And by a little I mean a lot.

I'm not sure what I am going to do.
Once again--I know that sounds lame.
But think about it...I am going to spend thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars on school. I am going to do well, and get a degree in something...
But what if I get a degree and then realize later on in life.."Wow..I don't want to do that at all..." ??

What if I spend a SUBSTANTIAL amount of time on the WRONG thing...?

fixing it

2008-12-16T00:47:00.000-08:00

Lately, I have been having a terrible time trying to figure out what it is that I really want to do and who it is I really want to be.

Can I be honest??

I know what I am capable of. To some degree--I know I can do whatever I set my mind to.

It is so frustrating to see people not reach the level of potential that you see in them. I am sure many people have had that issue with me. For the most part, I have learned in my life from watching my brother and sister struggle. I never got into the party scene because of having to watch what my sister went through. I think taking it all in saved me a great deal of turmoil.

But now I am at a point in my life where no one else in my family has been.

I am doing things no one else in my family has done.

There is this awful precedent that has been set for my life and I think I have more fear of trying to get past it and failing than anything else. I am okay with being wrong, I don't maintain regret very long but I have to admit...I have a lot of options coming up in my life. God is giving me so many hands to choose from and what if I strive so hard to reach them...and I try so hard to run past the line that everyone else stopped at...and I say no to all of the things holding me back...and what if I get right up to the line..and instead of crossing it, I fall back just like everyone else has done? The thought makes me sick to my stomach.

I think even worse than caring, is caring so much and being so scared to screw it up--so instead of trying your hardest you end up pretending to just not care at all.

Sometimes I try so hard and it still doesn't go through and I find myself thinking, "What else can I possibly do?" And sometimes there is NOTHING else you can do.

You would think coming back from a missions trip I would be so spiritually in tact. That I would have this new found faith in God. That I would see things in some new and amazing light...but the truth is, the last few months are the farthest I have felt from God in a really long time. Is it me? Have I strayed off? Did I stop caring? Or is He is just being quiet?

Its so frustrating to want so badly to break a chain, to change the world, to accomplish something for God bigger than I knew I could but then to suddenly feel like God isn't here.

I am not naive. I know He is here. And I know I cannot accomplish anything fully without Him.

I am just drained. And I am not sure how to fix myself.

Opening Night

2008-12-10T22:33:00.000-08:00

Tonight was the opening night of Joy of Christmas. It was a bit unorganized on the side of my department and I have to admit that I have spent a vast majority of my time in the last week and a half stressing out about things getting printed, getting things on time, things being in order...and guess what? I still didn't have things printed, or things on time, and things were still chaotic.

Ya know whats funny?

I love my job. I really enjoy what I am doing right now which I think is a huge blessing.

But I have become SO distracted.

Someone made a comment to me about how much I have complained in the last week.

I was actually shocked. I didn't mind the bluntness but I did mind that if it was true, I hadn't noticed. How could I not notice?

I started thinking about the last couple weeks since I have been home.

I have been on a GO-GO-GO schedule, only because I wanted to be. I was working all the time to get things done and I was running on the adrenaline that burning in me.

Well guess what? The adrenaline ran out today and I found myself frustrated and sitting in my chair staring at my computer thinking, "I just want to sleep through this day" and almost crying. That was when I asked myself,

'Shannon when was the last time you read your bible?'

'Shannon when was the last time you really sat down and prayed?'

'Shannon when was the last time you consulted God for REAL?'

I was really disturbed with myself to find the answers.

What makes me think I could do ANYTHING without Him? I am doing a lot now, but how much MORE can I do with Him? How selfish am I to think I don't need Him for even one day?

Tonight was rough but I had to walk away saying...people were saved. People heard something and reacted to it. They felt God there and even though the fliers weren't printed, and the posters weren't up and the tickets weren't all right and I was frustrated...God still succeeded. Why? Because God always comes through, even when we feel like we have failed.

The good news is, it can only go up from here.

Praise Him. : )

Shan

Where Are You?

2008-12-08T23:27:00.000-08:00

I think that for most of my life I have had pretty low expectations for myself. Not because I didn't think I was capable or because I didn't think I could accomplish something, but just because I didn't want to reach through the film to get through to the real facts of life.

I was standing in this trash dump in Jalapa, Guatemala taking in my surroundings. There have been very few instances that have left me utterly speechless, but that was right up there with watching my Dad walk out on our family and flick his cigarette butt out the window when he drove away. I didn't know how to respond. I stood in the trash and let me feet be attacked by flees as my gaze stayed on a little girl with brown curls and browner eyes. Her feet were bare. Hair tattered. Face hard and emotionless. But she was beautiful. She held the hand of an older girl in torn up pink pants and looked at me with a look of confusion. We just stared at one another. Clutching the side of my bag, I watched, horrified, as dozens and dozens of flies crawled over her perfect face. She couldn't have been more than 4 years old. But she just kept staring at me. What was she thinking? What was going through her mind? Our gaze was broken by the older girl shooing the flies from the little girls brown skin. My steps faltered and I returned to reality.

The reality of the whole situation was sinking in. Children, as young as two, being drug through dirty trash. Walking barefoot on glass and things that could only harm you. I didn't know what to do. I immediately called out to God and asked Him, "Where ARE you in all of this?" It didn't take long before God replied quietly to me and asked me, "Where are YOU in all of this?"

And that's the true question isn't it?

We look at our world and we look at the horrible things going on in our world, and we say 'How awful. How terrible. How dreadful.'

We want to see change. I think a lot of people WANT to see change. But I don't think a lot of people want to go through the work to CREATE change.

Why do we sell ourselves short? Why do we expect so little of ourselves? Why do we think things are so impossible? Why can't we trust the vision, pursue the ideas, live the passion, make the difference?

Where am I in the mess of the world? What am I REALLY doing?

If I have to be tired for the rest of my life trying to make it happen...If I have to work until I can no longer breathe...If I have to continue to have faith when no one else around me believes... I am going to do something to help change this world. I don't care if I do it alone and no one else believes I can do it...I.AM.GOING.TO.DO.SOME.THING.

Because what happens if one day I look back on my life and I ask myself, "What did I do?" And the answer really is nothing? I went on a couple trips...helped a few people...gave some food out...But what real difference was made?

When God asks me, "Where are you in this?" I want to be able to stand confidently and say, "Right here. Holding the hand that needs me."

So...who's ready to be in it with me?

time

2008-12-07T14:40:00.000-08:00

Ever get so busy that you find you forget to breathe?

Things have been CRAZY since I got back from Guatemala. I am trying to enroll at Glendale Community College to start in February and Christmas stuff at the Dream Center doesn't slow down until it's over. I love it, but I am pretty much preparing myself to not sleep for the next four years. After I start school, it's going to be interesting to balance everything.

I am hoping eventually I can quit starbucks, of course that wouldn't happen unless I was getting paid at the Dream Center (which is def. not happening for a long time). I would rather just work one job and do a really good job than have two and have to go back and forth.

If anyone wants to pray for balance, that'd be great because I am going to have a part time job, a full time volunteer job (which is way more than volunteer) and full time school.

Good lord.

I'll probably need the coffee. : )

insomnia

2008-11-29T02:16:00.000-08:00

I am currently suffering of a bad case of insomnia. wakefulness.

I think my body is not use to sleeping here now so instead of dozing off, I just stare at the ceiling.

I wish someone else was awake.

Someone wake up.

2008-11-26T22:13:00.000-08:00

I am sitting in the missions housing in Guatemala city right now.
Its 12:21am here.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

I cant believe we are leaving. Perri, Chris and I are sitting in the dark just hanging out and its sort of just strange...this is our last night. We will all sort of go our seperate ways. Will we remain friends? To some degree I am sure. Did we make a difference here? Only God knows how much. I have learned lately how to say goodbye to people, but it never makes it any easier, does it?

Turkey and Thanks

2008-11-26T19:36:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow it will be Thanksgiving. I cant believe that!!

I wish we could all take a moment every day to think about all the blessings we have been given, instead of just focusing on it once a year.Have you thought about that lately?
Have you told your kids how much you love them today or your wife or husband?
Have you looked at the food on your table and thought, "wow I am blessed that I can have this"? Have you looked at the place where you live and thought about how blessed you are to have somewhere safe to go home to??

It's easy, as humans, to be unsatisfied with what we have or where we are in life.It's easy to look at the things other people have and wish we had them. I have only been out of highschool for a year and a half and in that time, and since coming to the Dream Center as a volunteer, God has shown me so much.How can you see a child working in a dump, barefoot, sick and starving and still be selfish enough to wish you had more?? Personally, I am finding it hard to do.Maybe this week and this holiday season, instead of focusing on the stress or the presents or the lights...we should focus on something a little more permanement.

Can we look past what we struggle with to see what we have been blessed with?Can we see our families that love us, or our friends that challenge us? Can we see God's provision in our lives and trust that He has everything under control? Can we see the sky a little bluer and smile a little bigger?

YOU ARE ALIVE!!!You have the opportunity to do ANYTHING with your life...Dont waste it.Be Thankful that God has placed you where you are at for a reason and He knows better than us what is good for us. Notice your blessings, because not everyone is fortunate enough to have those blessings.Enjoy your Turkey and eat an extra scoop of stuffing for me!!

Shan

i am alive, indeed

2008-11-15T15:17:00.001-08:00

So today was our day off. Day off translates into somethin adventurous or crazy so the boys forget they are outnumbered with girls.We decided to go to these thermal springs at this river. Our truck had no problem getting over the streets but our van that is clearly not made for 4x4 had a bit of a rough time. Needless to say it is designed to have 15 people on PAVED roads.Anywayswe had our day got a tan ate some lunch and then decided to head back. About 5 minutes into the trip I feel this prompting to put on my seat belt. so I fumble around for it because no one wears them here and I dont even know where it is and strap myself in. Not 3 minutes later we have to cross a bridge that clearly should not be crossed by vehicles. Part of it is missing. So our poor van goes up and Chris floors the thing and we arent moving up this huge hill and are only going deeper into the mud that is there. I start saying, should we get out...but no response.He starts to reverse and the girl back starts screaming, YOU ARE NOT ON YOU ARE NOT ON but he clearly didnt hear and all of a sudden we hear the back wheel go off the edge and all the people in the truck behind us scream. If not for a huge dirt pile we would have instantly been over the side of the cliff. I am sitting there thinking...oh jesus, I was prompted to put my seatbelt on because we are going over. I am going to die. I am not ready to die....so they try to open the door and cant so I say screw that and grab my bag and jump out the big side window, sliding down the edge of the van on the way.thankfully, we didnt die and we didnt go over the edge. however, on our next day off I am suggesting a movie and popcorn.love. shannon.

new chapters

2008-10-24T20:44:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to get a little nervous about this upcoming time in my life.

I think I am pretty capable of everything heading my way but it's strange to think about.

I am leaving for a month to go tell people about Jesus and be an example of love for them.

Am I qualified for that?

Truth:: none of us are.

I come back and continue working in marketing and start school in February and jump into this thick chapter of my life that there is no way to skim through, thumb through, or skip through.

I feel like it's a chapter bound to have errors and corrections that people are going to have no fear pointing out.

I can almost feel things irking up that are going to be things I have to work on, things that I have to turn around, things that I have to change.

Thats normal, but having those things pointed out can be painful, I think.

I know the next few years hold huge opportunities.

Tomorrow holds huge opportunities, for that matter.

But sometimes I am not sure I am fit to do all of the things I am about to jump into.

Thank God that He sees me in a way I don't understand because I swear it is the only thing that is making me not fold the corner of the page and set the book down.

Good.

2008-10-24T14:25:00.000-07:00

"Walk with integrity because every choice you make will effect your next opportunity."

Halloween

2008-10-22T12:25:00.000-07:00

I got my halloween costume. I am going to be a fairy. I am going to cover myself in glitter and sprinkle fairy dust on people all night. hehe Here is my costume!!!

Traditions

2008-10-20T22:46:00.001-07:00

Do you have any traditions?

The Holidays are so warm for me. Despite my family life being a little crazy, I have been so blessed with the traditions and love that surround me. Every year around this time I just begin to get a little loopy.

When I was growing up, we would listen to mariah carey christmas and the carpenters christmas CD every summer on Family vacations. My Dad and I recently started making Thanksgiving Dinner together. We are the kind of people who eat it while we cook and end up stuffed before anyone else gets there.

I cant imagine not having siblings. What would Christmas morning be like without the sister or brother running in and jumping on your bed to wake you up to open Stockings and see what Santa brought? My aunt's coffeecake...my mom's hashbrowns..."Its a wonderful life" and "White Christmas". Thanksgiving day parades. Game nights by the Christmas tree. Yahtzee. Saturday Market with My dad in portland the weekend before Christmas. Our family Fudge.

I just love the holidays. I love what they do to and within people.

I cant wait to have my own family and create our own traditions.

Life is so magical.

: )

2008-10-20T11:45:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that in nine days I will be getting on a plane to leave the country.

There is no other time in my life where I will be able to just...pick up and go. It's really quite shocking to me that all of this is happening.

Life is so crazy!!

I graduate high school.

Leave to Argentina.

Pack and up and buy a one way ticket to LA.

Deal with all my issues until I realize how amazing it really is here.

Leave for Guatemala

plan to start school in February...

Can things get anymore exciting?

I AM GOING!!

2008-10-18T12:24:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in my office last night thinking about Guatemala and how badly I wanted to go.

I told God that I had absolutely no more means within my own capability to get the rest of the money to go. I told Him that I had done everything I could do and the rest he would have to take care of. I needed $605. Plus money for while I was down there. Plus money to get things I needed before I left. I told him that He had 12 days and I knew He was bigger than this.

I have been opening at 5 AM on saturdays at Starbucks to get money for Guatemala. The great thing about Saturdays is all our regular costumers. One of them is this tall good looking older guy named Patrick. We started chatting a few weeks ago and my trip came up. I explained to him what I was doing and why I was going and he was so excited about it. I brought him one of my letters about my trip so he could read more about why I wanted to go. That was probably 2 weeks ago.

This morning Patrick showed up to get his iced grande red eye and gave me an envelope with "Shannon Rae Galford" written on the front. He told me that he probably wouldn't see me before I left (in eleven days) but to have an amazing trip. I had a huge line so I couldnt open the envelope. Once my line was gone and people were waiting for the drinks, I went to the back and opened the card. This is what the card read...

"Shannon,

I think what you're doing is a wonderful, giving, selfless gift to those children. That kind of spirit is what this world needs more of. You definitely do shine. I, too, was a complete mess and a discovery and surrendering to a higher power saved me and my life. Please take this contribution to your trip with all my love and prayers.

Best,

Patrick."

I was so touched. In the envelope was another envelope. Inside was a check for one thousand dollars. ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS. I started crying immediately. I could not believe that someone, who is virtually a stranger, would invest so much into something I believed in. Not only did this pay for my trip but everything else I would need. I went to thank him but he was already gone.

The really cool part, that Patrick doesn't know, is that not only is helping send me, but he created a walking testimony to so many people. A lot of the people I work with and even most of my family are not christians. But they have heard me going on and on and on about how I knew God was going to take care of it all. Even in my few moments of doubt, I told them. And now, they can see first hand, just how big, and how amazing and how faithful God really is.

I am so excited to go help.

I am so excited I get to go.

I am so excited God is sending me.

Adventure mode just kicked in.

Adventure

2008-10-17T11:40:00.001-07:00

Can I just say that I love my job?

God continually surprises me. Everyday He shows me something or tells me something that leaves me whispering, "Really? Me?"

Some of the things He has asked me to do, I didn't even know I was capable of doing. Now, I am working for amazing people, a part of an incredible ministry working to transform LA and, potentially, learning how to help change the world.

That sounds big, doesn't it? CHANGING THE WORLD. But that's truly what I want to do. I'm not sure how, or even where to begin but I want to be a part of it. I'm only 19. I am constantly reminded of how lucky I am to be working where I am, doing what I am doing, gaining the experience I am and working for people with wisdom and Godly character. I am young. Do you know how much more I can still do?

I don't really know what's next.

The next few years hold opportunities and possibilities that I have yet to ever encounter in my life. I am at this pivotal point in my life where I can do ANYTHING and all I have to do is decide what it is.

Ultimately, I just want to be helping people with whatever I am doing, behind the scenes or in the streets. I want to never stop learning from others. I want to thrive. I want to reach people. I want to change lives. I want to love in a way that makes a difference.

Ever feel like anytime now your life is going to take a dive into adventure mode and all you can do is strap yourself in and get ready for the ride??