Opening Night

Tonight was the opening night of Joy of Christmas. It was a bit unorganized on the side of my department and I have to admit that I have spent a vast majority of my time in the last week and a half stressing out about things getting printed, getting things on time, things being in order...and guess what? I still didn't have things printed, or things on time, and things were still chaotic.

Ya know whats funny?

I love my job. I really enjoy what I am doing right now which I think is a huge blessing. 

But I have become SO distracted.

Someone made a comment to me about how much I have complained in the last week.

I was actually shocked. I didn't mind the bluntness but I did mind that if it was true, I hadn't noticed. How could I not notice?

I started thinking about the last couple weeks since I have been home.

I have been on a GO-GO-GO schedule, only because I wanted to be. I was working all the time to get things done and I was running on the adrenaline that burning in me.

Well guess what? The adrenaline ran out today and I found myself frustrated and sitting in my chair staring at my computer thinking, "I just want to sleep through this day" and almost crying. That was when I asked myself, 

'Shannon when was the last time you read your bible?'

'Shannon when was the last time you really sat down and prayed?'

'Shannon when was the last time you consulted God for REAL?'

I was really disturbed with myself to find the answers.

What makes me think I could do ANYTHING without Him? I am doing a lot now, but how much MORE can I do with Him? How selfish am I to think I don't need Him for even one day?

Tonight was rough but I had to walk away saying...people were saved. People heard something and reacted to it. They felt God there and even though the fliers weren't printed, and the posters weren't up and the tickets weren't all right and I was frustrated...God still succeeded. Why? Because God always comes through, even when we feel like we have failed.

The good news is, it can only go up from  here.

Praise Him. : )

Shan

Where Are You?

I think that for most of my life I have had pretty low expectations for myself. Not because I didn't think I was capable or because I didn't think I could accomplish something, but just because I didn't want to reach through the film to get through to the real facts of life.

I was standing in this trash dump in Jalapa, Guatemala taking in my surroundings. There have been very few instances that have left me utterly speechless, but that was right up there with watching my Dad walk out on our family and flick his cigarette butt out the window when he drove away. I didn't know how to respond. I stood in the trash and let me feet be attacked by flees as my gaze stayed on a little girl with brown curls and browner eyes. Her feet were bare. Hair tattered. Face hard and emotionless. But she was beautiful. She held the hand of an older girl in torn up pink pants and looked at me with a look of confusion. We just stared at one another. Clutching the side of my bag, I watched, horrified, as dozens and dozens of flies crawled over her perfect face. She couldn't have been more than 4 years old. But she just kept staring at me. What was she thinking? What was going through her mind? Our gaze was broken by the older  girl shooing the flies from the little girls brown skin. My steps faltered and I returned to reality.

 The reality of the whole situation was sinking in. Children, as young as two, being drug through dirty trash. Walking barefoot on glass and things that could only harm you. I didn't know what to do. I immediately called out to God and asked Him, "Where ARE you in all of this?" It didn't take long before God replied quietly to me and asked me, "Where are YOU in all of this?"

And that's the true question isn't it?

We look at our world and we look at the horrible things going on in our world, and we say 'How awful. How terrible. How dreadful.' 

We want to see change. I think a lot of people WANT to see change. But I don't think a lot of people want to go through the work to CREATE change.

Why do we sell ourselves short? Why do we expect so little of ourselves? Why do we think things are so impossible? Why can't we trust the vision, pursue the ideas, live the passion, make the difference?

Where am I in the mess of the world? What am I REALLY doing? 

If I have to be tired for the rest of my life trying to make it happen...If I have to work until I can no longer breathe...If I have to continue to have faith when no one else around me believes... I am going to do something to help change this world. I don't care if I do it alone and no one else believes I can do it...I.AM.GOING.TO.DO.SOME.THING.

Because what happens if one day I look back on my life and I ask myself, "What did I do?" And the answer really is nothing? I went on a couple trips...helped a few people...gave some food out...But what real difference was made?

When God asks me, "Where are you in this?" I want to be able to stand confidently and say, "Right here. Holding the hand that needs me."

So...who's ready to be in it with me?

time

Ever get so busy that you find you forget to breathe?

Things have been CRAZY since I got back from Guatemala. I am trying to enroll at Glendale Community College to start in February and Christmas stuff at the Dream Center doesn't slow down until it's over. I love it, but I am pretty much preparing myself to not sleep for the next four years. After I start school, it's going to be interesting to balance everything.

I am hoping eventually I can quit starbucks, of course that wouldn't happen unless I was getting paid at the Dream Center (which is def. not happening for a long time). I would rather just work one job and do a really good job than have two and have to go back and forth. 

If anyone wants to pray for balance, that'd be great because I am going to have a part time job, a full time volunteer job (which is way more than volunteer) and full time school.

Good lord.

I'll probably need the coffee. : )

insomnia

I am currently suffering of a bad case of insomnia. wakefulness. 

I think my body is not use to sleeping here now so instead of dozing off, I just stare at the ceiling.

I wish someone else was awake.

Someone wake up.

I am sitting in the missions housing in Guatemala city right now.
Its 12:21am here.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

I cant believe we are leaving. Perri, Chris and I are sitting in the dark just hanging out and its sort of just strange...this is our last night. We will all sort of go our seperate ways. Will we remain friends? To some degree I am sure. Did we make a difference here? Only God knows how much. I have learned lately how to say goodbye to people, but it never makes it any easier, does it?

Turkey and Thanks

Tomorrow it will be Thanksgiving. I cant believe that!!

I wish we could all take a moment every day to think about all the blessings we have been given, instead of just focusing on it once a year.Have you thought about that lately?
Have you told your kids how much you love them today or your wife or husband?
Have you looked at the food on your table and thought, "wow I am blessed that I can have this"? Have you looked at the place where you live and thought about how blessed you are to have somewhere safe to go home to??

It's easy, as humans, to be unsatisfied with what we have or where we are in life.It's easy to look at the things other people have and wish we had them. I have only been out of highschool for a year and a half and in that time, and since coming to the Dream Center as a volunteer, God has shown me so much.How can you see a child working in a dump, barefoot, sick and starving and still be selfish enough to wish you had more?? Personally, I am finding it hard to do.Maybe this week and this holiday season, instead of focusing on the stress or the presents or the lights...we should focus on something a little more permanement.

Can we look past what we struggle with to see what we have been blessed with?Can we see our families that love us, or our friends that challenge us? Can we see God's provision in our lives and trust that He has everything under control? Can we see the sky a little bluer and smile a little bigger?

YOU ARE ALIVE!!!You have the opportunity to do ANYTHING with your life...Dont waste it.Be Thankful that God has placed you where you are at for a reason and He knows better than us what is good for us. Notice your blessings, because not everyone is fortunate enough to have those blessings.Enjoy your Turkey and eat an extra scoop of stuffing for me!!

Shan

i am alive, indeed

So today was our day off. Day off translates into somethin adventurous or crazy so the boys forget they are outnumbered with girls.We decided to go to these thermal springs at this river. Our truck had no problem getting over the streets but our van that is clearly not made for 4x4 had a bit of a rough time. Needless to say it is designed to have 15 people on PAVED roads.Anywayswe had our day got a tan ate some lunch and then decided to head back. About 5 minutes into the trip I feel this prompting to put on my seat belt. so I fumble around for it because no one wears them here and I dont even know where it is and strap myself in. Not 3 minutes later we have to cross a bridge that clearly should not be crossed by vehicles. Part of it is missing. So our poor van goes up and Chris floors the thing and we arent moving up this huge hill and are only going deeper into the mud that is there. I start saying, should we get out...but no response.He starts to reverse and the girl back starts screaming, YOU ARE NOT ON YOU ARE NOT ON but he clearly didnt hear and all of a sudden we hear the back wheel go off the edge and all the people in the truck behind us scream. If not for a huge dirt pile we would have instantly been over the side of the cliff. I am sitting there thinking...oh jesus, I was prompted to put my seatbelt on because we are going over. I am going to die. I am not ready to die....so they try to open the door and cant so I say screw that and grab my bag and jump out the big side window, sliding down the edge of the van on the way.thankfully, we didnt die and we didnt go over the edge. however, on our next day off I am suggesting a movie and popcorn.love. shannon.