Where Are You?

I think that for most of my life I have had pretty low expectations for myself. Not because I didn't think I was capable or because I didn't think I could accomplish something, but just because I didn't want to reach through the film to get through to the real facts of life.

I was standing in this trash dump in Jalapa, Guatemala taking in my surroundings. There have been very few instances that have left me utterly speechless, but that was right up there with watching my Dad walk out on our family and flick his cigarette butt out the window when he drove away. I didn't know how to respond. I stood in the trash and let me feet be attacked by flees as my gaze stayed on a little girl with brown curls and browner eyes. Her feet were bare. Hair tattered. Face hard and emotionless. But she was beautiful. She held the hand of an older girl in torn up pink pants and looked at me with a look of confusion. We just stared at one another. Clutching the side of my bag, I watched, horrified, as dozens and dozens of flies crawled over her perfect face. She couldn't have been more than 4 years old. But she just kept staring at me. What was she thinking? What was going through her mind? Our gaze was broken by the older  girl shooing the flies from the little girls brown skin. My steps faltered and I returned to reality.

 The reality of the whole situation was sinking in. Children, as young as two, being drug through dirty trash. Walking barefoot on glass and things that could only harm you. I didn't know what to do. I immediately called out to God and asked Him, "Where ARE you in all of this?" It didn't take long before God replied quietly to me and asked me, "Where are YOU in all of this?"

And that's the true question isn't it?

We look at our world and we look at the horrible things going on in our world, and we say 'How awful. How terrible. How dreadful.' 

We want to see change. I think a lot of people WANT to see change. But I don't think a lot of people want to go through the work to CREATE change.

Why do we sell ourselves short? Why do we expect so little of ourselves? Why do we think things are so impossible? Why can't we trust the vision, pursue the ideas, live the passion, make the difference?

Where am I in the mess of the world? What am I REALLY doing? 

If I have to be tired for the rest of my life trying to make it happen...If I have to work until I can no longer breathe...If I have to continue to have faith when no one else around me believes... I am going to do something to help change this world. I don't care if I do it alone and no one else believes I can do it...I.AM.GOING.TO.DO.SOME.THING.

Because what happens if one day I look back on my life and I ask myself, "What did I do?" And the answer really is nothing? I went on a couple trips...helped a few people...gave some food out...But what real difference was made?

When God asks me, "Where are you in this?" I want to be able to stand confidently and say, "Right here. Holding the hand that needs me."

So...who's ready to be in it with me?