deciding who you want to be

How did you decide what you wanted to be?

I am realizing, as I am about to register for my college classes tomorrow, that I am not sure what I want to do. I really like what I do right now for Marketing at The Dream Center...but do I like it because of what I am doing...or because I get to work with great people?

When the lights go out and inspiration comes

Last week Pastor Brad, here at the Dream Center, challenged everyone to let it all out to God this week.

I came home that night, shut off my lights except my orange lamp, and locked my doors. Then I say in my room for 5-6 hours and wrote a song.

I cried out to God and I told Him exactly how I felt.

Afterwards, I videotaped it (so  wouldn't forget the tune haha) and I just figured out how to record stuff on Garage band!

Anyways--- Here are the lyrics. You can actually hear the song on www.myspace.com/ShannonGalford

I have been trying for awhile

to tell you

That I have been so foolish for awhile

I am trying, I swear that I'm trying but

My attempts feel so small

I want you, I swear that I want you but

I don't believe my words at all

Cause I'm lost, and I don't feel found all the time

Cause I'm lost, and I don't feel found all the time

I don't know what to say sometimes when you ask,

"Where have you been?"

 I don't know what to say sometimes when you say,

"Come home my child..."

Cause I'm lost and I don't feel found all the time

Cause I'm lost and I don't feel found all the time

I am trying, I swear that I'm trying But

my attempts feel so small...

Why do they feel so small?

(music break)

But you say, you already found me

You want me to come home

But you say, you already found me

There's no need to be alone

I was lost, but you found me

You took me from my shame

I was lost, but you found me

You called me by my name

You called me by my name

I dont know what to say sometimes 

but you, you love me

I dont know what to say sometimes 

but you, you called me home

You called me home

You called me home

Painting

I sold my first painting for 200 bucks when I was a senior in high school.  I felt as if I was selling a little piece of my soul. When I decided to stay in LA, I decided to bring my art with me and try to sell  it. I packed  my favorite pieces into a huge portfolio, put it in a box with bubble wrap, ducked taped that baby shut and then prayed over it before I put it on the plane. Know where that portfolio is now? 

Under my bed.

Know where the art from that portfolio is?

On my walls.

I almost just can't bear to give them  up. They each have a history. I remember creating each of them. I remember the way the sun felt or the rain smelt on days when I finished a piece I was proud of. I remember walking quietly through our art department with my paint covered ipod, paint covered hands, carrying my oversized canvas'  and my fingertips dancing with anticipation to hang up and stand back and see what had come out of my messy red haired hippie mind.

I haven't done anything with my art since I have been in LA. quite a shame...

I read this quote tonight...

"It's not your painting anymore. It stopped being your painting the moment you finished it"

I just stared at the quote and thought, "Wow. He is right."

Its like...I paint these painting and at the time they are all representing something to me that is fighting to get out somehow. Once it is out, the painting needs to inspire someone else.

I need to get my art out and I need to start painting again.

Why do we sometimes let our passions take the back seat?

Why do we put them in drawers, tuck them away safely and then not return for them?

I want to use my passion not have a drawer full of paint brushes.

so I think I shall.

change

Had an emotional break down a couple days ago. 

You know when you progressively, not IGNORE God, but certainly don't pay Him nearly enough attention?

I slowly started slinking back in the corner, getting busy and putting Him off.

The other day several things happened and it all sort of came crashing down all at once.

Spent three house crying in my office asking God how I got where I was.

Of course, I felt much better afterwards. Put things into perspective and figured out what it was I needed to do to change.

Ever feel that way?

You wake up one day and realize that you don't like the direction you are going?

I guess the cool thing about our lives and our God is that once we realize it we can just...choose to change it.

Although, it doesn't happen over night, at least we get the choice to change, right?

Decision Making

It is so nice to be back in L.A.

I never thought I would say that.

2009

DISCLAIMER:: These are not new year resolutions. Simply real life goals I would like to accomplish. Yes, there is a difference.

1- Start College (and do fantastic)
2- Sell my art
3- Sing
4- Write more music/become better at guitar
5- Excel in my job far more than expected
6- Decorate my room with my roomie
7- Call my Grandma more
8- Leave the country at least once
9- Laugh everyday
10- Start something original and relevant that will help make a change in the world

Sand

While I was in Guatemala, we were building a bathroom and a septic tank for some of the people in the first village we stayed in. In order to build it we needed to make concrete. Unfortunately, in Guatemala, they do not have pre packaged cement mix. A huge huge load of sand was dropped off in front of the church we were building at. But this was not the kind of sand you dig your toes into at the beach...this "sand" looked more like they took some shovels and dug it out from the same ground we were standing on. There were all sorts of rocks in it causing it to be unable to use it. So we began to sift it. There were three different sifters. One for the big huge rocks, one for the medium rocks, and one for the little tiny rocks that were almost impossible to get out. We sifted sand for almost two days trying to get them enough for the concrete. As we were doing it, I couldn't help but think it was a lot like how God deals with us.

In order to refine us and build us into something magnificent, He has to "sift" us and get rid of all the rocks in our lives. First, he starts with the most obvious things. He helps us to give up addictions, trouble and trauma that is right in front of us and easy to spot. After we have dealt with those things He starts dealing with things that are a little deeper. A little harder to get rid of. Once those things are brought out, He reaches into us and starts yanking on those tiny, almost invisble things that are causing us to not reach out full potential. It hurts and it's time consuming but He starts to sift through those things and open up our eyes to them.

I was reminded of all of this the last few days and I thought I'd share.
We fight so much to remain that sand that isn't usable...but if we would just go through the process...we could be something amazing.

Breaking Mom's Heart

I was sitting in my room listening to music and messing with my new ipod and my mom walked in and started talking to me...

"What's that over there?"

"Thats my shelf thing..if you want to send it to LA you can, but it's sort of an awkward thing to send." I told her.

"Yea.."She replied.."And you can use it when you move back in here."

I looked at her and said, "Mom..I'm not moving back in here."

She looked stunned. Didn't she realize I wasn't moving back in?

She told me she never really realized that I wouldn't be moving back in the house.

I looked at her and explained that there was nothing left for me here. That if I moved back in I would be taking a step back in my life, rather than a step forward. I told her I didn't really want to be a 25 year old graduate living with her parents. I think I crushed her. But I explained it had nothing to do with her or my stepdad and that I didn't mean to offend her, just that this stage in my life had to be over.



It was the first time I had said all of that outloud.

"There is nothing left for me here."

I sort of shocked myself, even.

She started tearing up because I am her youngest and the last to go and I have finally made up my mind to stay in LA for awhile...

Ever had that realization where you just see...and realize that there is nothing left to gain from that position in life?